I want to talk a little about “slide cheating”. This isn’t about a technique or a way to make a bunker and wipe a hit (but in my time I’ve seen some masterfully done sliding wipes), it’s something that we woods players see all the time. And you’ve done it, we all have. Perhaps inadvertently, perhaps intentionally. I call it “slide cheating” because we tend to let it slide. You know, it’s just a little thing, let it slide, it’s not like it really affects the action, right? The biggest one is something that I saw a lot of at the last few scenario games I’ve been to. The “ghost cheater”.

We all say it to death. “Dead men don’t talk.” But they do in paintball. “Ghost cheaters” are very common. Guy is on point, or way out in front where he can’t get support from his friends. He gets shot due to his own ineptitude by a “sniper” who shoots one ball and pastes him between the eyes. On his way back to the dead zone, he passes his teammates and says “He’s behind that tree with the barrel next to it, flank him.” and keeps on walking.

Let’s look at this from the other side. The opponent probably worked his tail off to make that spot unseen. Or he just got lucky and found “the spot” to go to. Or whatever, he EARNED a takedown. He fired one shot, did everything right. And what happens? The guy he shot gets revenge on him by telling his teammates his location, how many there are, and all but how to take him out.

I’ve BEEN that guy before, and let me tell you it SUCKS. A lot of hard work goes into being sneaky, and because you’re angry that you didn’t see me you have to ruin all my effort in 2 seconds of talking. Last time someone did that to me I shot him in the goggles again. Obviously, he was still in the game because he was talking to his teammates. Then I proceeded to maul his teammates, just for good measure.

Here’s the thing, most players see no problem if an eliminated teammate tells them “Hey, there’s a guy over there”, regardless if they should have this information or not. “It really doesn’t make a difference” Well, yes it does. It’s information that you should not otherwise have. And you can’t unhear it once you’ve heard it. So no matter what, you’re going to react to that information in one way or another.

It may seem minor, until you realize that one person can stall a group of 20 for several minutes if they don’t know it’s only one person. And that timing can be the difference between making a mission or failing it. A single piece of information gained through a “ghost” can mean a team makes mission points or fails. Now imagine a scenario being won or lost because some guy “ghosted” information to his teammates. Yeah, someone’s not going home happy, and they’ll be more likely to cheat the next time.

What really frustrated me, however, is the well intentioned referees who were doing this too. I had a ref tell me where opponents were, how many there were, and how to get them out! Why? I think he was frustrated that my pace wasn’t the heavy sprint that makes it exciting. Look, I know you mean well, but I’ve been playing this game a while. I like to think I know what’s going on, and if I don’t I like to know the opponent did a better job than I did. And besides, I’m old, fat and slow. I’ll get there in a while, ok pal?

People tell me that in chess you learn by losing. You don’t, you learn by learning. You try something, it works or doesn’t work, and you choose to learn from the experience. Being told what to do is not learning, it’s simply doing what someone else told you to do without understanding why it’s effective. So when someone tells you where the bad guy is, you don’t learn how to see through trees and scrub, you don’t l earn how to flank, you don’t learn what to look for, you just react to information. It doesn’t make you a better player, it makes you a video game AI working off a “Radar HUD”. I’d rather learn and think, not just react to blips.

So I’m asking this to the world at large, and trying to do so nicely. Let’s kill the “slide cheating” now. If you’re out, walk all your information off the field with you. When you get to your dead box, THEN share information with the guys there. It doesn’t matter, you’re all out for the moment anyway, and it’s no different than getting intel by aerial reconnaissance for the commanders if you’re into that kind of thing. Or if, like in this game, there are medics and instant respawns, then wait ’till you’re back in the action THEN share information as a live player.

Now if a guy needs a squeegee or his gun is broken down or he needs some help with making his gun work and you’re walking by, sure stop and help. That’s just a cool thing to do. But don’t get up and say “oh, by the way, you’re surrounded.” Let them find out for themselves. The lesson is better learned through trial and error rather than being told what to do. And you might have some company to walk back to the dead box and you can share a laugh.